“Something big changed, and I'm not coping.”

This page offers one way of understanding what might be going on. There are many possible reasons, and yours may be different. Read it as a starting point, not an answer.

What this can look like

A new baby, a new role, a move, a breakup, a loss. You thought you'd adjust, and maybe you even chose it. But months later you're more tired, shorter with people or flatter than you expected, and you can't quite say why.

Why it happens

There are many reasons a change can be harder than you expected. It might have stirred up an older loss, or put pressure on a relationship. The people who used to support you might be less available now, or the change might be asking you to be someone you don't feel ready to be yet. Sometimes it's simply exhaustion. One common explanation comes from William Bridges, who wrote about how people get through big changes. He pointed out that a change happens on one day, but adjusting to it is a separate and slower process. Every change, even a good one, sets off other changes: less sleep, less time, a routine that's gone or a role you're still learning. Those are usually what wear people down, especially when they all stay bundled together with the big change.

What you've read here is what we often see in our practice, and the step above is just a small place to start. You might already know what you're supposed to do, and still find it hard to actually do it, or hard to put into words what's going on. That's normal. It's a big part of the work in counselling: getting to the bottom of what's happening, so it's easier to say and easier to change.

If you want to go further

The Transition Map walks you through this step by step. It takes about ten minutes, and you'll end with a map of what you're dealing with and what each part needs. If you'd rather talk it through, a free intro call is a good place to start.