If your partner has told you to get therapy, you're probably some mix of annoyed, defensive and a bit worried they have a point. That's a normal reaction. It doesn't mean something is wrong with you. It usually means something between you keeps going badly, and they've run out of ways to fix it on their own.
Does it mean something is wrong with me?
Not necessarily. Most of the men I see after a partner's push are carrying a lot: pressure at work, money, family, or all three. They keep it to themselves and push on. The strain tends to show up at home: going quiet for days after an argument, snapping over small things, or going along with things to keep the peace and resenting it later.
Those are patterns, not character flaws. They usually made sense at some point, often growing up. They just cost more now, especially with the people closest to you. If going quiet during arguments sounds familiar, this post on why men go quiet during conflict explains what's happening.
Do I have to bring my partner?
No. This is individual counselling. You come on your own, and we work on what you bring into the relationship. When one person changes how they respond in a hard moment, the whole argument often goes differently. You don't need your partner in the room for that.
What would we actually talk about?
We start with what's happening, in your words. A recent argument is often the best place to begin: what set it off, what you did, what you wanted to do, and what happened after. From there we work out the pattern and what keeps it going. Then you try something different the next time it comes up, and we look at how it went.
Not everything is in your head. Work stress, family pressure and money worries are real, and they count.
What if I don't think I need it?
That's a fair place to start. You don't have to agree with your partner to find it useful. Plenty of people come in to understand why the same fight keeps happening, or to stop feeling like the bad guy at home. If it isn't helping after a few sessions, you can stop.
What do I tell my partner?
Keep it simple. Something like: "I've booked a call to see if it's a fit." You don't need to promise anything or explain the whole thing. Following through says more than a long conversation about it.
Should I wait until things get worse?
No. A pattern is easier to change before it hardens. You don't need to wait for your partner, your doctor or your body to make the decision for you.
Where to start
Book a free 20-minute virtual intro call. You can say what's going on and see whether working together makes sense, with no commitment. Sessions are in person in downtown Vancouver or online anywhere in BC. If you're wondering about cost, here's how cost and insurance usually work. Book your free intro call.