Do the Opposite of Your Default
A one-time experiment: when a feeling shows up that you'd usually push down, do the opposite of your usual reaction.
Based on dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT). It teaches practical skills for strong emotions and relationships.
What this can look like
Something hits you, and you do what you always do. Go quiet. Get busy. Leave the room. It works in the moment.
Why it happens
If you learned early that feelings were best handled alone, shutting down feels safe. But each time you avoid a feeling, the next one gets a little harder to sit through. Doing the opposite once, on purpose, teaches you the feeling passes and you can handle it.
How to use it
10 minutes, once this week
Once this week, when a feeling shows up that you'd usually push down, do the opposite of your default. Once.
- If you usually go quiet, say one true thing out loud. To someone if you can, to yourself if you can't.
- If you usually stay busy, stop for ten minutes and let whatever is there be there.
- If you usually leave the room, stay five minutes longer.
You're not solving anything. You're getting used to having the feeling without running from it.
Afterwards, ask yourself
What happened when you did the opposite? What did you notice?
This tool is one small place to start. You might know what you want to change and still find it hard to do, or hard to put into words what comes up. That's normal. It's a big part of the work in counselling: getting to the bottom of what's happening, so it's easier to say and easier to change.
If this keeps happening
When the same thing keeps coming back, it's usually a pattern rather than a bad week. Understanding what sets it off, and practising a different response, is something we work on often in counselling.
This page is general information. It isn't a diagnosis or a replacement for therapy.
If you're thinking about ending your life or you're in crisis, call or text 9-8-8 in Canada, or call 911.
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