Notice Where You Hold Back with People
A reflection on one relationship where you're there in body but not all the way in, and what that distance protects.
Based on existential therapy. It looks at choice, meaning and how you want to spend your time.
What this can look like
You're home. You're at the table. But part of you is somewhere else, and the people closest to you can tell.
Why it happens
Distance protects you. If you never fully show up, you can't be fully let down or criticized. It works, until your partner or kids start to feel they live with someone they can't reach.
How to use it
20 minutes
Think about the people in your life: your partner, your kids, friends, people at work. With whom are you fully present? With whom are you keeping some distance?
Pick one relationship where you keep distance. Don't write about what the other person does. Write about what you do: the topics you skip, the times you go quiet, the things you handle alone.
Afterwards, ask yourself
What would happen if you showed up a bit more? What is the distance protecting you from?
This tool is one small place to start. You might know what you want to change and still find it hard to do, or hard to put into words what comes up. That's normal. It's a big part of the work in counselling: getting to the bottom of what's happening, so it's easier to say and easier to change.
If this keeps happening
When the same thing keeps coming back, it's usually a pattern rather than a bad week. Understanding what sets it off, and practising a different response, is something we work on often in counselling.
This page is general information. It isn't a diagnosis or a replacement for therapy.
If you're thinking about ending your life or you're in crisis, call or text 9-8-8 in Canada, or call 911.
.svg){kind=small}
.svg){kind=small}
.svg){kind=small}