Count the Cost of Holding Everything Together
A reflection on the side of you that keeps everything running, and what that role never gets.
Based on Internal Family Systems (IFS). It treats different reactions as parts of you, each trying to help in its own way.
What this can look like
You're the one who sees problems coming. You carry the bills, the planning, the worst-case thinking. If you stopped, you're not sure who would pick it up.
Why it happens
The manager role usually starts for a good reason: someone had to be responsible. Over the years it becomes automatic. It keeps everything running, but it rarely gets rest, and it rarely lets you be the one who needs something.
How to use it
15 minutes
Describe the side of you that manages everything, in a few lines. What does it do? When did it first take the job? What is it afraid to let go of?
Now ask what it never gets. Rest? Help? Permission to need something?
You're not getting rid of it. You're counting what it costs.
Afterwards, ask yourself
What would it look like to let it off duty for one evening?
This tool is one small place to start. You might know what you want to change and still find it hard to do, or hard to put into words what comes up. That's normal. It's a big part of the work in counselling: getting to the bottom of what's happening, so it's easier to say and easier to change.
If this keeps happening
When the same thing keeps coming back, it's usually a pattern rather than a bad week. Understanding what sets it off, and practising a different response, is something we work on often in counselling.
This page is general information. It isn't a diagnosis or a replacement for therapy.
If you're thinking about ending your life or you're in crisis, call or text 9-8-8 in Canada, or call 911.
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