Separate a Setback from Who You Are
A reflection that pulls apart what happened at work from the story you told yourself about what it means about you.
Based on performance psychology. It comes from sport and helps people do well under pressure.
What this can look like
Something went wrong at work, and it didn't feel like a bad week. It felt like proof of something about you.
Why it happens
When you've been good at your job for a long time, your work and your sense of yourself merge. A setback then feels like a judgment on you as a person. The event is real. The meaning you attach to it is something you added.
How to use it
15 minutes
Write down what happened: the mistake, the missed target, the job you lost or had to leave. Then write the story you told yourself about what it means about you as a person.
Look at the gap. What would a good coach say about the same event? Not to excuse it, but so you can learn from it and keep going.
Afterwards, ask yourself
What changes when you separate what happened from what it says about who you are?
This tool is one small place to start. You might know what you want to change and still find it hard to do, or hard to put into words what comes up. That's normal. It's a big part of the work in counselling: getting to the bottom of what's happening, so it's easier to say and easier to change.
If this keeps happening
When the same thing keeps coming back, it's usually a pattern rather than a bad week. Understanding what sets it off, and practising a different response, is something we work on often in counselling.
This page is general information. It isn't a diagnosis or a replacement for therapy.
If you're thinking about ending your life or you're in crisis, call or text 9-8-8 in Canada, or call 911.
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