Sort What's Yours to Carry
An exercise that sorts everything on your plate into what you can act on, what you're waiting on and what was never yours.
An Iroko Health tool, drawing on dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT) and acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT). Both separate what you can change from what you can't.
What this can look like
Work, family, money, the things you promised. It all feels like it's on you, and it all feels urgent.
Why it happens
Some pressure really does come from outside: a bad manager, family duty, being treated unfairly. Some comes from how you respond to it. When it's all one pile, you can't tell which is which, so you carry all of it.
How to use it
20 minutes
Write down everything that's sitting on you right now. Get it all out. Then sort each item:
- I can act on this week
- Waiting on something outside my control: a manager, a system, someone else's choice
- Not mine to carry: someone else's job, mood or problem
For anything that comes from outside, write down your response too. Circle one thing you can change, even if the situation stays the same.
Afterwards, ask yourself
What are you carrying that was never yours to pick up?
This tool is one small place to start. You might know what you want to change and still find it hard to do, or hard to put into words what comes up. That's normal. It's a big part of the work in counselling: getting to the bottom of what's happening, so it's easier to say and easier to change.
If this keeps happening
When the same thing keeps coming back, it's usually a pattern rather than a bad week. Understanding what sets it off, and practising a different response, is something we work on often in counselling.
This page is general information. It isn't a diagnosis or a replacement for therapy.
If you're thinking about ending your life or you're in crisis, call or text 9-8-8 in Canada, or call 911.
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